Sinking Deep

This is a hard post for me to write. As you have noticed, I have not been active with the blog and social media for a few weeks. It was hard for me to post pictures of me smiling, talking about fashion and beauty while going through a difficult time. I couldn’t because I was hurting too much. Hurting because I am going through a divorce. There. I said it…a divorce.

I’ve never been an open book on social media. I’m that person who prefers to keep the opinions to herself and post only the happy pictures. For Fashion Rowe I’ve mostly kept my personal life, well personal.

Though on my last Instagram post “When life kicks you in the gut you change your hair”, I had an overwhelming response from people offering their support and love even though the details were not shared. Each heart emoji or words of encouragement from friends and strangers gave me a little more strength each day. I’ll be honest I needed that because I fell asleep one night thinking that Fashion Rowe was done. That whisper in my ear that convinced me I was not good enough, I was not smart enough, I was not strong enough filled my head and I started to believe it. But as I turned away, things began to fall on my lap. A friend reaching out, a supportive comment would pop up on my screen, or emails from a prospective business wanting to collaborate. Ok Lord, I hear you. I hear you. I reluctantly decided to follow up and schedule two meetings. I put some makeup on (which I had not done in a week) and slapped a smile on my face. And you know what? They went well. One was a female doctor and another a store manager. Each who are strong, incredible business women. I began to think, "Ok…maybe I can make this blog into something after all and I can be that strong woman too."

A couple of weeks ago a girlfriend had to cancel a lunch at the last minute so I was heading back home when I felt lead to pull into my church’s parking lot which just happened to be right around the corner. I walked inside and found myself walking into the prayer room. Honestly, I did not even know this room existed, but there I was kneeling at the front and I began to weep. Although I cried for seven straight days, I had not wept and had not cried out to Him. This beautiful prayer room could not be larger than a child’s bedroom. Candles were lit and beautiful stained glass windows were on three sides of the room. While kneeling, I looked up and there was a picture etched in the stained glass of Jesus in despair, kneeling, looking up to the Lord. At that moment, I allowed my heavenly father to wrap his arms around me and I cried some more. It was then that I realized He’s got me and everything will be ok.

I am so grateful for my faith, my heavenly father who once again is there to carry me through a difficult time - what would I do without His grace and love. I am so grateful for my friends. I am blessed beyond words to have each you. Your kindness, support and ability to make me laugh is what gets me through day by day. I am grateful for my family. Your prayers, unconditional love and encouragement are a blessing. I am grateful for you, my readers! I wish I could hug each of your sweet necks for being supportive!

This song has been a great help to me, I thought you would like this song by Hillsong Young & Free (this version is a cover by Austin Adamec).

Sinking Deep-Hillsong Young & Free

Here in You I find shelter
Captivated by the splendor of your face
My secret place

…All fear removed
I breathe You in
I lean into Your love

Your love so deep, is washing over me
Your face is all I seek
You are my everything
Jesus Christ you are my one desire, Lord hear my only cry
To know You all my life.

As I go through this journey in my life, I plan to share it with you. If you are going through something similar or maybe you are hurting for another reason and needing peace, I would love to pray for you! Fashion Rowe is back baby!